I have very mixed feelings about relationships. I can't keep any, but I constantly search for a someone that relates to me. I can't open myself up the way people want me to. I can't be one hundred percent honest about my feelings unless I really hate the person and want to cut that person down to itty bitty pieces.
People say I'm too honest. Brutally honest. Apparently, my honesty kills. I can't help it. I say how it is. I want to be vibrant and attractive and yet I want to be mysterious and sultry. I have mixed personalities. I have numerous personalities. I want to relate, but I only want stuff I really want to connect to relate. When I find a person to share anything with, I analyze everything. I jump to conclusions. I assume. I break. I tear.
Please understand. Relationships that are beautiful and full of life are so beautiful to behold that you're scared to touch them. I haven't learned how to do it properly.
Because I'm not stupid. Everyone knows things end. Besides, I've got nomadic syndrome. I get antsy after staying in one place for more than 3 or 4 years. The longest place I've ever stayed was in Hawaii for 6 years, and that's only because I had to. The span of time I allow for myself doesn't call for a deep and long-lasting affiliations.
I want to be so many things; I want to do so many things. I want to live and die and breathe and exhale. I want to see souls and hold hearts, I want to be spiritual and deeply rooted. And all without the ties and strings.
Is that too much to ask?