Déjà vu

There were screams and sounds of slapping, loud enough that you knew that the neighbors were watching, listening.

A man and a woman.

"Come on, hit me! Hit me - HIT ME."

Sharon was scared; the woman was being pushed to ground, manhandled. Memories flit by, I hear her screaming. 

"Shouldn't we do something?" she kept asking Father and he said, "She's been egging him on. Let them handle it themselves."

And Sharon protest and frets and Father says, "What is wrong with you? Do you want me to do something?"

I realize then that having power is useless; doing nothing with it is worse, and I realize Father may not protect me.

But I hear myself bore disapproving eyes, muttering why I didn't do anything because unlike that time, this time I had power, too.

Haluk Turgut Menguc

step by step

"Things are actually not falling apart"
Sirikul Pattachote

I cannot stay as this. I cannot remain; I must change because it is required of me.

Step by step.

Else I will be passed on.

Because I love you all too much.

silver hair

I have silver hair. It stands out against the darkness of my black-brown hair. Soon, my hair will be completely white.

I had hated it since I was 8 years old. A young girl with greying hair?
An anomaly.

A couple of years ago, I stopped using dyes because I realized that through it, my hair was dying. At the cost of hating what was mine, I was killing an actual part of me. Not worth it, a small voice said.

I haven't touched the color of my hair for 2 years now. Today, someone told me that they loved it. They wished it were theirs!

And I smiled and laughed because for once, I wasn't self-consciously touching it, wishing it away.

It is mine, and I love it. 

Enough for you

Sometimes, I wish I wasn't me.
But, I'll continue apologizing for being myself.
Even if I'm enough for me, when will I be enough for you?

Colin Self - Nude, 1970-71 - etching