My favorite pastime lately, a pastime that is almost always frowned upon, is to sit down on a bench or small wall, and watch people live their lives. But like the rebel I am, I foolishly chose to ignore and adamantly observe.

Some cry, some laugh, and others charge through like there is no tomorrow.
There are hippies selling overpriced organic products, hookers enticing all ages of all sexes, and business men and women talking and or texting on their smartphones.
These are the normal views.

Then I saw 2 teenagers, walking along. The boy had black hair that was dreadfully in need of a haircut, and the girl seemed pure. Yet strangely, they were both tainted by... something. Something was not right with those two.
They seemed like normal teens -- not yet adults, but not yet kids, either.
In other words, lost. Confused. And on top of all that, in pain.

Seen at a far distance, I saw them buying a baseball bat and baseball, and then moved to the park where the boy was teaching the girl how to play.
They laughed, as if they could never laugh tomorrow.
Then they left the park, where the boy had given his newly bought baseball bat and baseball to some elementary school kids.

Why did you give it to them? We could have come back and played with it again. said the girl.
Shrugging, the boy said, I thought they looked like they wanted it. 


He felt that he wouldn't be able to relax and fun like this again, a feeling that shouldn't be felt, a feeling that was prevented for years. He would be sorry if he gave the girl a memory that would never come true. 

He then held her hand, kissed it, kissed her lips, and said, We'll come again. Don't worry about it.

It probably would have been better if they never met in the first place.


Douleur Cachée

I keep feeling an invisible hand crushing my heart.
Every thump hurts so that tears keep forming.
Where is the invisible pain coming from?
Is it something I'm missing?
Mais... Comment puis-je raté quelque chose que je n'ai jamais eu?
Too many questions today.
And to be honest, I really don't want to know the answer.

Lucky to Get Away

I pretended to be someone I wasn't, and let another fall in love with yours truly.
He was on an emotional roller coaster, and I needed to be a person who took care of others in fake sympathy.
Perfect match made in mutual agreement. Or so I thought.

I woke up from staying in bed all day and wearing nothing but sweats.
I got active, got past the mistakes, the hurt.
My heart mended.
I moved on.
Which meant cutting ties, being honest.

The fact that he couldn't made him angry, manipulative. He was too attached.
Clingy. Not the agreement.
"You used me," he screamed in my face. "Cold bitch!"

I'm lucky to have gotten away.

I got one thing out of him, though.
Thanks to him, I'll never date a bastard like him again.


He's taken. And I knew.

He had been taken for a while, but...
But nothing. Inevitable, really.

No confessions, but a surrender. A draw.

I cheer myself up.

He wasn't special anyway.
So what?
That chick of his is vapid and shallow.
She's so pretty.
He would have broken your heart.
I want to stop running.
He wears a mask.

So do I.

Oh, no...

He changed girlfriends like he changed clothes.

I was always there to see them go.

He claimed that he had a 'wandering' heart.

I told him he was full of shit and didn't want to commit.

"When one door closes, another opens," he announced.

I gave him the hairy eyeball and asked if he just compared ladies to doors.

He laughed seductively.

I couldn't help myself.

I laughed with him.


I'm in trouble.

I've fallen in love.

It's a new day, after all

I woke up crying today, and the tears just won't stop...

I curled up on my bed all morning, watching the pulsation of the light pouring into my window.
The clouds crossed the sun and the room responded: dark... light.
Then, dark... then light...

What was it about today that made everything else seem so pointless?
Maybe it was the screaming and hoarse cursing from my past dreams, maybe it was the sound of hearts crashing from yesterday, or the waves upon waves of blank stares, or the loneliness, or the looming walls of exhaustion and fatigue.

Maybe it was the hiding, the apologies of wrongs I never committed or understood, or the silent screams that pounded into my temples as I smiled a smile that never reached and never would reach my eyes.

I don't know...

It's a new day, after all.

If you would be loved...

If you would be loved, love and BE LOVABLE
-Benjamin Franklin

Safely Hidden

I am a wall.
A tower.
A freaking barricade.

Nothing goes through me because I can read your twisted mind.
I know what you want.
I know what your desires are.
I know your fears, your passions.

You are dangerous. You need to stay away.

I am hidden.
I don't have to feel your pain, your joy, your vulnerability
Behind this wall, this tower, this barricade - I am safe.
So what if I'll never know?
I've seen enough of everyone else's love.

I am scared for my own. What if it shatters? Drops?
What if I can't get back up?

I'll never know...

... But...
You are Love. You are dangerous.
You need to stay away.

One life. One choice. Never both.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And I was happy I did not want both
And be one traveler, long I did not brood
For when I looked down as far as I could
Both roads seemed the same from where I stood

One path was long and rough
For people had taken it less
So it was then and there that I decided
That this road was not good enough
And it would be a horrible mistake

I then looked to the other
And realized it was short and easily taken
With many footprints who had trodden it black
And I saw that I would not be shaken

So after glancing at both roads I must say
That I don't understand, even to this day
Why so many people recommend to go my own way because I--
I took the road most traveled by
And that has made all the difference
by: Sarang P

Choices that we make changes who we could have met
Who we could have been friends with
Who we could have loved or hated
Who we could have found
Or who we could have lost
Is that not love?

Good Morning

Good morning...

I woke up remembering someone I loved today. 
I haven't thought of this person in ages, but strangely... everything about that person just shone clearly.
All the laughter and all the emotions we shared went through my head.
I realized that
Love is not always romantic. 
The fact that you have someone to love is exceptionally important, and even better, it means you are wonderfully blessed.

I'm pretty sure that your special person popped into mind.
Love him, or her, now Cherish him, or her, now.
Be with that person now, because tomorrow is a mystery.

Linus' Blanket - See You in My Dream