lara?

It was PM for him and AM for me; we were Skyping, Lara and I, and he was being such a pussy.

I hate feeling vulnerable around you, around anyone, and I hate that I treat you the way I do. You know me so far deeply than anyone I've ever let in, and yet intimacy scares the crap out of me. I don't treat you right. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I had whispered comforts and murmured "It's okay," but it's been 3 weeks and I cannot stop thinking about what he said. 

I had always assumed he didn't care. We don't talk regularly, not really, skipping around the texting and the Skyping, never physically present. But I always checked and I always reached out. I'm always the one reaching out. 

Walked him through his first long-term girlfriend, his rebounds, and now his present girlfriend. Walked with him through family issues and sister troubles. I was there but he wasn't, not like I was, and I was growing okay with that. I always end up being okay with that.

But this. 

This is not okay.

Why is this not okay?