Keep on counting

1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10. 
Again.
1... 2... 3... 4... 5...

My survival depends on those steady, repetitive digits. Without them, I fail to keep a calm face. Without them, I fail to be indifferent.
It's hard to describe the present, because whatever what was written before was the past.
There's a lot of mindlessness, small intervals of thoughtless fun, and silent streams of tears that don't matter.

Whenever a chance comes, I dive into whatever comfort I can find in the arms of carefree friends, who really aren't my friends, who don't know what I'm feeling, who don't know what I need, who don't know me.


So I keep on counting until it's an automatic jerk reaction to any type of confrontation.

I'm just past blaming everyone or everything.

I just want to burn, and I want to count while in flames.


4 comments:

  1. i say "we are only as invincible as we believe ourselves to be" over and over and over.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And when you are not as invincible as you believe yourself to be? Or when what you believe yourself to be is not enough?
      What then?
      xoxo
      S

      Delete
  2. i count when i run. no matter what im running from. as the numbers rise, the farther i get from what im running from.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tell me when it stops chasing you. Then share the secret. Please.
      xoxo
      S

      Delete