8 Years

8 years.
Cheated some, probably.

But still, 8 years.

For one girl.

8th anniversary: girl brings different boy.
Kisses boy.

"We're over," said girl.

You could hear the cracks.

There is still life to be lived

Losing Hope

I was expressing my opinions of my previous post to a treasured friend.

"You're anxious for things that haven't happened. That's like saying 'I'm going to die someday so I might as well not live.' You'd be missing out on the good. 
Think about all the good things that will happen because of what you consider bad."

"I can't really think of any."

He laughed and showed me a thought his friend had written:

"2013 isn't a blank slate, but a new chapter. A new chapter means that there's still hope, that there is still life to be lived. So live it well. Become who you were made to be, and don't lose sight of the ending. Which, as it turns out, it is only the beginning."

"I can't find the hope," I said. "I haven't had a relationship or even a real conversation between me and Him."

"Yeah, I felt that way, too. So I just said, 'Hey.' And it started again. I think I was genuine with Him for the first time in a long time."

"I've never been so unhappy or so scared in my life. I want so much to just rest and be in peace."

"Cling. Desperately. With your nails. He didn't go anywhere. And your past relationship doesn't matter. What's important is that you can start a new one now."

I am revived.

Finding Hope

I promise

If happiness were mine...
       I wouldn't share it, but keep it for myself.
             That way no one can know why they feel so alone.

If love was mine...
       I wouldn't give it, but lock it away.
             That way no one can feel the pain from heartbreak.

If laughter was mine...
       I wouldn't make any noise but keep silent.
             That way no one can understand why their cheeks are wet from water that flows from the eyes.

That's the kind of person I am.

Can you still love me? Accept me?

I can't.

So I try to be Happy in loneliness,

Love when I'm scared of denial,

and Laugh in the midst of tears.

That way, I'll appear normal 

So you'll be able to love me when I can't accept myself.

So please.

Love me to your fullest,

and I Promise I won't cry when

I Leave.