It's been a while.
I've been alone.
I was hurt.
I was sad.
Notice the past tense.
I have found true friends.
I have found ways to heal.
I am not scared to be alone.
No longer.
Ready or not... I'm back now.
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
22 - "Me, too."
The greatest comfort anyone has given to me in my time of struggle was when he said, "Me, too."
Even if it was said out of sympathy, and even if it was only for just a moment, I didn't feel alone anymore.
I don't know if it was because I was so desperate for some company (internal laugh), or if I needed a sense of unity, but hearing those words made me feel a connection to pull me through. It was enough.
I wish to be the person who gives strength and light for that one moment in the future.
Even if it was said out of sympathy, and even if it was only for just a moment, I didn't feel alone anymore.
I don't know if it was because I was so desperate for some company (internal laugh), or if I needed a sense of unity, but hearing those words made me feel a connection to pull me through. It was enough.
I wish to be the person who gives strength and light for that one moment in the future.
21 - I wish
I wish I could understand myself.
I wish there were no expectations.
Maybe then I could truly be free.
No holding back.
“Expose yourself to your deepest fear;
after that, fear has no power,
and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes.
You are free.”
Jim Morrison
I wish there were no expectations.
Maybe then I could truly be free.
No holding back.
“Expose yourself to your deepest fear;
after that, fear has no power,
and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes.
You are free.”
Jim Morrison
Leave Behind a Legacy
Sometimes I get this irrational fear that when I die, I will think that I was not enough, that I didn't do enough, that I didn't say enough. I fear that I will not be remembered as someone who changed things, someone who took chances, someone who lived life to the fullest, someone who loved.
On the outside, I hide these fears. I show an indifference to all things; I pretend that I'm a rock, but that is so far from the truth. I want to be more than I am, give more than I can give, love more than I should, and say nothing more than what is necessary. I want to laugh in a funeral, witness a solar eclipse, have an amazing one night stand, and fall asleep in grassy pastures. I want to be with people and interact with them and be part of their lives. In fact, I want to be life. Then I'll be prepared and ready to not feel the fear of being forgettable. That way I'll leave behind a legacy.
On the outside, I hide these fears. I show an indifference to all things; I pretend that I'm a rock, but that is so far from the truth. I want to be more than I am, give more than I can give, love more than I should, and say nothing more than what is necessary. I want to laugh in a funeral, witness a solar eclipse, have an amazing one night stand, and fall asleep in grassy pastures. I want to be with people and interact with them and be part of their lives. In fact, I want to be life. Then I'll be prepared and ready to not feel the fear of being forgettable. That way I'll leave behind a legacy.
Ice-cream...
I have four siblings. As the eldest of 5, there's a huge age gap of 13 years between me and the youngest, John. He's capricious and annoying, but kind and gentle. I'm pretty sure he'll be a favorite among the ladies.
We were walking home together while it was quite dark. He and I had left home to buy ice cream. He held my hand so tightly I thought something was wrong.
But he said with those big brown eyes, "You'll protect me. If I don't let go, I won't be scared."
My heart broke in two, which caused me to make a foolish, stupid, and irresponsible promise.
I promised I would never let go.
We were walking home together while it was quite dark. He and I had left home to buy ice cream. He held my hand so tightly I thought something was wrong.
But he said with those big brown eyes, "You'll protect me. If I don't let go, I won't be scared."
My heart broke in two, which caused me to make a foolish, stupid, and irresponsible promise.
I promised I would never let go.
I promise
If happiness were mine...
I wouldn't share it, but keep it for myself.
That way no one can know why they feel so alone.
If love was mine...
I wouldn't give it, but lock it away.
That way no one can feel the pain from heartbreak.
If laughter was mine...
I wouldn't make any noise but keep silent.
That way no one can understand why their cheeks are wet from water that flows from the eyes.
I wouldn't share it, but keep it for myself.
That way no one can know why they feel so alone.
If love was mine...
I wouldn't give it, but lock it away.
That way no one can feel the pain from heartbreak.
If laughter was mine...
I wouldn't make any noise but keep silent.
That way no one can understand why their cheeks are wet from water that flows from the eyes.
That's the kind of person I am.
Can you still love me? Accept me?
I can't.
So I try to be Happy in loneliness,
Love when I'm scared of denial,
and Laugh in the midst of tears.
That way, I'll appear normal
So you'll be able to love me when I can't accept myself.
So please.
Love me to your fullest,
and I Promise I won't cry when
I Leave.
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