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| "Things are actually not falling apart" Sirikul Pattachote |
I cannot stay as this. I cannot remain; I must change because it is required of me.
Step by step.
Else I will be passed on.
Because I love you all too much.
step by step
I cannot stay as this. I cannot remain; I must change because it is required of me.
Step by step.
Else I will be passed on.
Because I love you all too much.
silver hair
I have silver hair. It stands out against the darkness of my black-brown hair. Soon, my hair will be completely white.
I had hated it since I was 8 years old. A young girl with greying hair?
An anomaly.
A couple of years ago, I stopped using dyes because I realized that through it, my hair was dying. At the cost of hating what was mine, I was killing an actual part of me. Not worth it, a small voice said.
I haven't touched the color of my hair for 2 years now. Today, someone told me that they loved it. They wished it were theirs!
And I smiled and laughed because for once, I wasn't self-consciously touching it, wishing it away.
It is mine, and I love it.
I had hated it since I was 8 years old. A young girl with greying hair?
An anomaly.
A couple of years ago, I stopped using dyes because I realized that through it, my hair was dying. At the cost of hating what was mine, I was killing an actual part of me. Not worth it, a small voice said.
I haven't touched the color of my hair for 2 years now. Today, someone told me that they loved it. They wished it were theirs!
And I smiled and laughed because for once, I wasn't self-consciously touching it, wishing it away.
It is mine, and I love it.
Enough for you
Sometimes, I wish I wasn't me.
But, I'll continue apologizing for being myself.
Even if I'm enough for me, when will I be enough for you?
But, I'll continue apologizing for being myself.
Even if I'm enough for me, when will I be enough for you?
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| Colin Self - Nude, 1970-71 - etching |
lara?
It was PM for him and AM for me; we were Skyping, Lara and I, and he was being such a pussy.
I hate feeling vulnerable around you, around anyone, and I hate that I treat you the way I do. You know me so far deeply than anyone I've ever let in, and yet intimacy scares the crap out of me. I don't treat you right. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I had whispered comforts and murmured "It's okay," but it's been 3 weeks and I cannot stop thinking about what he said.
I had always assumed he didn't care. We don't talk regularly, not really, skipping around the texting and the Skyping, never physically present. But I always checked and I always reached out. I'm always the one reaching out.
Walked him through his first long-term girlfriend, his rebounds, and now his present girlfriend. Walked with him through family issues and sister troubles. I was there but he wasn't, not like I was, and I was growing okay with that. I always end up being okay with that.
But this.
This is not okay.
Why is this not okay?
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