Father is home. Before he came, I ran around the house cleaning, pushing everything back into place, opening up cleaning products that have never been used.
I made the house sparkle, inside and out.
After I was done and was out of breath, I looked at my hard work, and had this deep urge to destroy everything.
I wanted to tear the plaster from the walls, break all the glass windows and burn the furniture.
Now that I look at it, the battle of rage and tears rushing through me was not one of mere anger at a paternal figure, but because I was just so goddamn pathetic.
I still wanted to please him.
I still wanted to have his acceptance.
It was a mistake to think that I was rid of him.
He still has a hold on me.
I made the house sparkle, inside and out.
After I was done and was out of breath, I looked at my hard work, and had this deep urge to destroy everything.
I wanted to tear the plaster from the walls, break all the glass windows and burn the furniture.
Now that I look at it, the battle of rage and tears rushing through me was not one of mere anger at a paternal figure, but because I was just so goddamn pathetic.
I still wanted to please him.
I still wanted to have his acceptance.
It was a mistake to think that I was rid of him.
He still has a hold on me.
Wow...powerful stuff. Was this written from a personal prespective or a fictional perspective? Amazing writing.
ReplyDeleteThis is personal.
Deletexoxo
S
I have a bad relationship with my dad. I get this.
ReplyDeleteDo you feel the relief when he isn't around?
Deletexoxo
S
Amen to that!
ReplyDeletexoxo
S