kiss my ass

I am so done with you.

We weren't friends anyway.

lara?

It was PM for him and AM for me; we were Skyping, Lara and I, and he was being such a pussy.

I hate feeling vulnerable around you, around anyone, and I hate that I treat you the way I do. You know me so far deeply than anyone I've ever let in, and yet intimacy scares the crap out of me. I don't treat you right. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I had whispered comforts and murmured "It's okay," but it's been 3 weeks and I cannot stop thinking about what he said. 

I had always assumed he didn't care. We don't talk regularly, not really, skipping around the texting and the Skyping, never physically present. But I always checked and I always reached out. I'm always the one reaching out. 

Walked him through his first long-term girlfriend, his rebounds, and now his present girlfriend. Walked with him through family issues and sister troubles. I was there but he wasn't, not like I was, and I was growing okay with that. I always end up being okay with that.

But this. 

This is not okay.

Why is this not okay?

all who wait

changing a url is a bit like changing a mobile number - it takes a bit of time because you want the best one that is easily remembered - but a url must not be too tacky.

reason for change

it's not as glamorous as avy's "mymotherfuckedmickjagger," but it'll do.

until next time.

breathe

a friend. found my blog. i think.








i have no idea how i feel about this. i feel a bit too vulnerable than i wish to be.







edit: i no longer think. i know. he's found it. i hyperventilate.

woody allen trips me up sometimes

Sometimes I walk around with a little fantasy in my head
Of the people I'll meet, the people I've said
Sometimes I'll get these deep urges to journal and to write
and I'll print pictures and pictures and pictures of the things I love
and the things
that mystify.

Midnight in Paris, 2011

But these urges are becoming few and far between
and I wonder if that means my last few relationships with creativity
is leaving me.

And I fear and I fear and I fear

And I fear and I fear

and I fear.